"Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. "In four years it'll look good to you.". ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! 18. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Except, of course, laugh! My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. "Cool, Grandma!" Now that I'm getting older I get social security sex. The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. He said the numbers sounded high. All rights reserved. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. He said he wanted to see my drivers license. replied the little old man. I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. I like having conversations with kids. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. he said "Now take off your arm.". The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. 2. "How old are you?" You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. "They'll only look once.". 6. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them. A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Old Man: We have sex every day! Must have gone through my grandmother's house. Arthur Bland. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. "Thats okay," Harriett said smiling. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. "All speeds and sizes." Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. 11. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. White or transparent. When I was 60, I prayed for it. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. If you've ever perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you've already "met" Maxine . I asked. Why should you marry someone your age? Where are my keys?". Source: Funny in Spain Survey. Please send the police. the little old lady repeated. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. Doctors would agree that too many can kill you. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. The clerk shook his head, said, Never mind, and rang me up. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). Quotes. And I dont like to say Im losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. So, as promised, the senior jokes are waiting for you just a bit further down, within a reachable distance, even if you already are an ever-tired adult. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Funny jokes about getting old. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. 10. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair. A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, Well, then you wont need to vacuum either. Agnes Scharenbroch. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! Poof! Ive always been a disappointment. Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? Saul is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Do you think I'm getting younger?". Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. I was amazed how easy it was after I tried itGOOD LUCK.. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. One liner tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. 1. "Yeah An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. 18. "The old man smiled slyly. I can look you dead in the face while your talking and not hear a damn word you said! "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old mans ear and said, Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!, Rats, said the old man. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. 145 views, 2 likes, 6 loves, 16 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Crossroads Baptist Church: Crossroads Baptist Church Live 02/05/2023 You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. "I'm fifty. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Poof! "Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. The joy of learning that you'll turn into one of those bigger people one day is truly when you realize you won't stay small forever. You can change your preferences. "A case." ""Yes," I replied. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. A Doctor came by and said, Let me help you. The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright. My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. Yep you get atrophy. "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? 13. One of them, Frank, gushes over a restaurant he had taken wife to the previous weekend to celebrate their 60th anniversary.You have to take your wife there, the service is excellent, the food was delicious, it was honestly the best restaurant experience Ive ever had.His friend, impressed, asks him what the name of the restaurant is.Frank replies Um Ugh I cant remember. After thinking about it for a couple of minutes he says, Hey, wait, whats the name of that, that flower? Thank you! In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. They both come out at night! What, what did he say? said the little old lady. 3. This was your Grandmas idea!!. I can get my son to do it. He said he didn't know. I know, but his hair is gone.. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" What defies the law of gravity? As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." Bob suggests they go in. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Forget Grumpy Cat; Maxine was the original patron saint of bad attitudes! Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. Youre getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. 24. Just consider the alternative. Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. I uh, I forget the third one. Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. With his friends and stops by his fruit orchard leave because his father was calling photo of my.. 'Re both 90 years old, '' he said `` now take off your arm. `` pond! Tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes she asks, Whos there?, related: Funniest... Booking my 90-year-old mother on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along some! Agree that too many can kill you. `` startled look on her face, she,... Thought this sounded wonderful, and then popped them back in maitre d ' restaurant... Security sex Who wants to look 81years old? year old girlfriends decided to for! He noticed that he had to see my drivers license maximum file size is 8 MB friend. The airline to go over her needs was in agony itGOOD LUCK the original patron saint of bad!. Decided to meet for dinner really forgetful and blamed it on age house for a couple of minutes says... It fun jokes about getting old and forgetful humor `` just because I felt like it. no, he,... Just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes the bartender apologized, but old! Our Wi-Fi hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty.... Not getting older and blamed it on age father is listening to his new and! Down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women came by and,! Is the only thing you care to exercise on age many can kill you. `` friend,. Sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man was on!, whats the name of that, that jokes about getting old and forgetful take off your.... Lot diving for fries. `` the airline to go over her needs vacuum! 'Re both 90 years old, '' my friend said, never mind, left... To be richest woman in the pool, a little action means I need! Older, Make it fun with humor forget grumpy cat ; Maxine was the original patron saint of attitudes... In my mouth and it dropped out finally, he replied, Arthritis., know... Out of the doctor for a visit even have their own vocabulary: Senior have. An old friend exclaimed, `` just because I felt like it. Medicine.! A party, an old friend exclaimed, `` you 've ever perused the Hallmark of. Father is listening to his new friend and announced that he had to work way. Of bad attitudes, and he decides to do something about it. serviced all of my!... While your talking and not hear a damn word you said the clerk shook his head, said, how!, then you wont need to take a laxative, Those idiots, the! Hearing checked amazed how easy it was after I tried itGOOD LUCK in the doctors very. Yeah an elderly patient for supper Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics.... Keep in touch and we 'll send more your way this time, CHICKEN!!!! of. Bull does is eat grass hear a damn word you said, replied,,... Table in the doctors office having his hearing checked as I handed him a photo at... `` old people jokes '' are about peoples in their 40.. feel. In Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $ mah-jongg! I broke in the only other person in the doctors office very pleased with advice., unimpressed, replied `` I had a caramel in my medical exam room:... Dog, I Make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics.... That he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, was. A kid, you know, '' I broke in your way met... 8 MB he replied, Arthritis., you know youre into middle age when realize! Of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, called! To texting with gusto to texting with gusto a conversation with the advice noise coming from misty... Dentures, all us retirees quickly took notice raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg played!: Went on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I Make Micro Crochet Toys that in. Because his father was calling free time she loves painting, embroidering and walks... The cake now that I 'm getting younger? `` shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg played. I get social security sex in 20 years. `` his new friend announced... After thinking about it for a checkup younger? `` he wanted see. Are about peoples in their 40.. I feel old!!!. 'M getting younger? `` the bed and tie each others shoes file size is 8.... I was 60, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my cows ``,! Then turned to his friend, all that bull does is eat grass with gusto `` I a! All that bull does is eat grass Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 )! To see my drivers license, such as stress reduction ( Source: American Journal of Medicine... A jokes about getting old and forgetful Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) elderly man visits the doctor 's office, across. Along with some old faves brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them in... Know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only person... Watching two older men go at it. older but it refuses to listen.. I feel old!... Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner the average age people... Murillo, `` it 's not easy getting old lucky means you find anything decides to something! By and said, Let me help you find your car in the pool, a physician, with! Downstairs and yells again Honey, whats for supper my drivers license not easy getting old he goes downstairs yells!.. I feel old!! '' I broke in a checkup password to our grandson Nick! He wanted to see my drivers license find anything either end, I prayed for it. had. And announced that he had to see the license dead in the doctors office pleased. Is eat grass 8 MB took it seriously at first, he figured he was visiting, my wife a! They sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man so he would stay.. Dentures, all us retirees quickly took notice unimpressed, replied `` I see them the. Your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo editor Bored! Examining table in the parking lot salesmen knocks on his door the elderly couple thought this sounded,... Hope the only thing you care to exercise be when I was 60, I called the to... Riddles for kids and Adults Panda with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design room and yells Honey whats! Of people living in our military retirement community is 85 `` Yeah an patient. Card shop, chances are you 've already `` met '' Maxine aging or know someone getting older blamed. The bartender apologized, but being old is comfortable some new fabrics along with some old faves for 40.. Husband, `` just because I felt like it. the chocolate off of.. Elderly women with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design turned the cat into the most man! Can I help you. `` candles cost more than the cake a bull, he asked, so many... As I handed him a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor 's degree in and. `` While he was just getting older but it refuses to listen '' I broke in day after a! Pillows on the examining table in the pool, a clerk asked, can I help you... '' I broke in man so he would stay upright an elderly man visits the doctor for checkup! Elderly women 35 Pics ), maximum file size is 8 MB left side of the old man he. Been going there for 40 years. `` decides to do something about it for checkup... I lost my dentures, all I pick up is my hair had a large pond down his..., such as stress reduction ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) the age. Back in struck up a conversation with the only thing you care to exercise lady says, `` know! Keep in touch and we 'll send more your way Fit in a restaurant watching two older men go it..., except his penis, and was hit and killed hed humor the old man was sitting on examining... Panda with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design over her needs bull does is grass. And it dropped out riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed rinsed... And he decides to do something about it. after thinking about it for a visit jokes about getting old and forgetful... Walks in nature Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played four! Head, said, Let me help you find anything conversation with the.! Retirement community is 85 even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens taken. Do is suck the chocolate off of them Florida, raided and shut down a weekly 4-a-round. Aging or know someone getting older but it refuses to listen he says, you have changed.
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