Hi all, Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. But I believe it can be solved. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. do my twins love me less? I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. Im starting to worry about the mother. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. She wouldnt even look at me when I tried to comfort her. Do I spend too much time with her? Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. but, really, we'll be alright. We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. thanks for listening to my views. it is breaking my heart. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. The earlier you start looking, the better. My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. It really hurts. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. Thank you thank you thank you!! I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. Disguise the bottle. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. But it is by no means too late. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. He didnt want to talk to his dad when he was with his mom either. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. Because thats what is happening! hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. My son is fine with me round anyone else. Hi Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. He just screams in my arms. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. 1. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. I am a dad in the same boat. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. It must be very confusing for her. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. I dont get it. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. Quick message to Laura- It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. I know that very well! It kills me and its making me resent her so much. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Try the sleep and switch. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). Not a good feeling. I really am. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. she enjoys talking to him on a phone. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. I feel left out. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. 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